(Defining Moment #1) What we see in others is within ourselves

What we admire in other people is within ourselves and what we judge or criticize in other
people is within ourselves. (This was a huge lesson for me! A must read.)

(Exercise 1)
1. Think of one person you most admire?

Now think of the main quality that you admire most about that person.
(ex: honest, authentic, kind, giving, creative, etc)

The qualities that you most admire in other people
are within YOU too!

(Exercise 2)
2. Next, think of the last time you judged or criticized another person.

Now think of the thing you judged or criticized about the other person?

Example Judgements:
– “She was texting the whole time and didn’t even
spend time with her child at the park.”
– “All she cares about is herself. She is so selfish.”
– “How can he allow himself to be so overweight. Why can’t
he just stop eating so much?”
– “He was speeding and cut me off in traffic. What a jerk.”
– “He’s never going to make money in his business until he finally
stops doing busy work and focuses on getting in front of a lot of his
ideal clients.”

The things we judge or criticize in other people are within ourselves and that
is the reason why we can see it in them.

Other people are like mirrors reflecting back to us what is within ourselves.
The purpose of this is to help us heal and continue to evolve as human beings.
And that begins with self awareness. Being conscious of our own thoughts and
behaviors is key.

I first learned this powerful lesson from author and creator of “The Work”, Byron Katie.
She compassionately says, (When we find ourselves judging others) “Be your own teacher.
Do what you want them to do.”

(source: book “The Passion Test” by Janet Bray Attwood and Chris Attwood)

Giving Advice is different than judgment because the intention is to be helpful.
Judgment creates separation. Advice (done the right way and the right time) can
create connection.

God sends us messengers to help us along our journey. But we must be open to
receive help. Have you ever wanted to share some advice with a friend but you
didn’t because you were afraid it might hurt their feelings? You could see something
that they couldn’t? I think it’s important to share what’s on our hearts with the
people we care about. But choosing the right time and how we say it is so important.

But always remember, the advice you give someone else is advice we need ourselves.
This includes life coaches and business coaches. I’m taking my own advice as I
write this blog post!

Why we judge:

1. The thing we judge in others is what WE need to work on right now
2. The thing we judge in others is something we’ve painfully struggled
with in the past and learned a lesson.
3. Or The thing we judge in others is the thing we harshly judge about
OURSELVES.

Ultimately, our deepest fear is being the thing we are judging. Therefore, the
source of judgement comes from self loathing.

Author and spiritual teacher, Iyanla Vanzant describes it this way, “I see in you
what I refuse to see in me and as long as I can point it out to you, I don’t have
to look at me.” It’s painful to be willing to look at our own stuff. So we avoid
looking at our stuff by projecting it onto other people through judgment.

True Story

A few years ago, I asked a friend to promote my podcast series. I followed
up with her several times but she seemed to be on the fence and would not make a
decision. She never did participate.

I thought, “I can’t believe she is on the fence about this.
I’ve promoted her several times.”

As I took time to reflect on this, I realized that I was the one on the
fence about my own business. I was the one who needed to make a decision.
Soon after, I made the decision to dissolve my business partnership
because I felt guided to go in a different direction with
more spiritual content. And that’s what I do now.

Now, I choose to practice non-judgment. When I do feel the urge to give advice or judge others,
I ask myself, “What is this here to teach me about myself?” And then I take my own advice.

What are your thoughts and comments on this?
Post it on my blog here. I want to hear from you too.
I’ll read and respond to all of them.

Much love,
April Yvette
www.aprilmorris.comInfluence Expert, Award-Winning Innovator, Speaker, Author, Coach, TrainerSeen on: “Shark Tank” TV show, FOX, NBC, ABC, Los Angeles Times